Should've, Could've, Didn't

Our lives are full of regrets. Little ones, medium size ones, and big ones. Some are even HUGE, but most are pretty inconsequential.

My life is probably just like yours - jammed packed with them.

My professional "Should Haves" lie in a lovely long line, just like my personal ones.

That's what we call life. There's nothing even remotely complicated about that.

The difficulty comes not in the regrets that we have, but in the way in which these regrets affect where we are in the present and in the now.

Much of what we do when we are in this regretful mode is reactive. And, dare I say it, this can often be kind of destructive.

Destructive to our own well being, and sometimes even destructive to those around us.

It shouldn't be this way. This shouldn't be your default setting. (I write this statement as much for me and I do for you!)

I find that being as proactive as possible during these times, when things don't quite go to plan and you feel yourself pulling out the SHOULD'VE word.

Below you'll find a list of things you can do when you find yourself being overly regretful.

But firstly here is a list of SHOULD'VE clangers in my professional life that at the time I battled to get over. 

These days I look at them almost with a sense of charm - they add to the story of my life. They give my journey a bit of colour and character. 

Some of them I now find funny to recount. Basically because I can see the lessons that I learnt on reflection. But at the time I was mortified.

1. The time I met with a very short parent of one of my more troublesome students. We had a very proactive, positive meeting. As we walked out of the classroom, I turned to her and said: "It'll all be ok". Nothing wrong with this picture so far. But then, (and lord only knows why I did this), I found myself patting her on her head - it was meant to be calming and supportive - but it wasn't! It was so demeaning and patronising. I meant none of this of course .... I SHOULD'VE just walked out with her and left it at that ... but oh no! Next time I saw her I was soooo embarrassed!

2. The time we filled a school bus full of birthday balloons as a treat for an autistic child's birthday. It seemed a lovely way to end what was a lovely celebratory day for him at school. I didn't know that he had a major fear of balloons, and as we put him on the bus his whole life collapsed in front of us all.

The time I helped a Parent who was struggling to light the school BBQ. They didn't tell me that they'd been trying to get it going for about 20 minutes before calling me. As a result there was a lot of unseen gas lying around in the tray of the BBQ. When I pushed the ignite button, the whole thing burst into a fire flaming singeing my eye brows and giving me the shock of my life!

4. The time I took a diabetic student on camp three hours away from our town. I assumed that she had her diabetic testing kit all up to date in her bag. I didn't check. And yes her kit was in her bag, but there were some important things missing - like the testing strips, which made doing a test really, really difficult.

5. The time in my very first Principalship that I had to present the end of year speech at prize giving and I left my speech at home. No mobile phones or devices in those times; just a hall full of very interested adults, keen to hear what I would say. I had to adlib the speech, and it was awful! For many in the audience this was the first time they had met me. I bumbled my way through, somehow.